deepest feelings and fears in the palm
of your partner's hand, knowing they
will be handled with care
In my nineteen years in this world, I've laughed and I've cried, I've tried and I've fallen, I've received and I've lost, I've lived and I've loved. Yet the one thing that keeps me constantly reeling with confusion is the "L" word. Finally, I came to a conclusion that love, is the most overly exhausted word in the English language, yet... it fills warm and sweet honey into the hearts of people.
Feeding my mind off Disney movies and fairytale endings, I dreamt that one day my prince charming would gallop on his white horse, shower me with flowers and whisk me away to eternal bliss in his castle build on clouds.
Hmm... my memory seems to have failed me. Go on, snicker at my childhood fantasies all you want.
Adolescent phase (enter funeral procession song) was full of obedience, school work, projects, tuition, ECA, CCA, whatever you call them, acne and girls and more girls (being in a girls school for half my life here).
I would say I never regretted going overseas? Cos finally or maybe I've got a life on my own, without much manipulation by parents. Was it a good thing or a bad thing?
Towards the end of my teen years, my life was soon filled with different type of friends or acquaintances coming from all over the world (but I know most of these friends might not last), late night hanging outs at friends.
I found myself getting excited at the measly proposal notes asking "Will you go out with me?" or words such as "I like you" from the opposite sex. Yes, most girls like attention and like to be appreciated though you don't really hear it from your girlfriends. The excitement of these proposals soon turn frightful when good friends turn against each other or two different guys who never knew each other can hate each other so much just over one simple girl.
4 different incidences happened, and I felt really guilty and sorry for it. I didn't intend for such things to happen. Yes, it feels nice to be loved but not like that. However I am glad that at least 2 out of the 4... they made peace. I never knew that dating and guys can be so frightening.
Someone suggested that I shouldn't treat guys too nicely cos they might get the wrong message? Am I treating guys too nicely? I never knew that, cos I treated them like my girlfriends too. Anyway, I decided to heed that advice and be rowdier and ruder to guys.
Yes, I had 2 relationships before. I would say they didn't work out due to lack of trust and faith, lack of communication and understanding, lots of misunderstandings and too much interferences from adults (I still don't understand why parents like to put their feet into their children's relationship, make a mess out of it, jump out without even a word of apology and think it's right for them to do so).
Maybe I was still too young, rash and indecisive. After all these, I guess I've learned the pain of a broken heart. Probably there really is a time when you find someone who seems to share the same hopes and dreams as you - someone whom you give your whole heart.
I've got a lot of life to live for, and now I've really given my whole heart to this someone special. I've learnt to trust with my whole heart and ignore whatever hearsays others may have.
Placing my hand in yours, feeling the warmth and security, the happiness comes from within.
bombed by meowmeow at 5:26 PM 0 remarks
