It steals my breath away

It happened so quietly that I didn't even realise it, until the moment I felt strange and decided to release.
I wonder how long it went on like this? Was it just that few minutes or was it over the few hours?
I think I am going to flung my second test tomorrow, unless God forbids me to do so. I will still try my best but I have no guarantees. I am not going to study with my wet pages and my notes cringed and thinned now.
Whatever is happening to me, I don't know either, nobody knows or cares anyway. I am just going to go on and hopefully someone will end my miserable existence soon.
bombed by meowmeow at 2:17 PM  0 remarks

Hi God...
how long have I not talked to u?
where were u when my life was at the lowest?
I know that u wanna take me away... so just do it...
don't have to wait for me to do it myself.

And can you make it come sooner?
I don't wanna wait that long for the symptoms to show if there are any.
can I still see the sun again? or will u make dark clouds hover over me everyday?
bombed by meowmeow at 5:12 PM

The Sweetness Love can Bring



Nice mar? My darling made for me de, teeheehee... thank you very much wor darling.
I like it a lot... soo sweet... *muacks muacks.
bombed by meowmeow at 3:46 PM  0 remarks

My world was black and white until the day you walked through my door and into my heart

Another weekend passed, and I didn't accomplish anything at all. Was suppose to finish reading up on the vestibular and hearing system and how our brain functions with them, but oh well...

Missed church this morning, and woke up in the afternoon with swollen eyes, then I have to ice it and poke it, lol...mmm had a bit of a brawl with my darling this afternoon but it was all good cos we patched up and learnt to know each other more, I guess.

Yup, my knees still hurting from the clubbing last Friday night. I hope I didn't kill my bursae in my knee and destroy the cartilage, cos I danced non stop for about 4 hours plus... yea it's bad, and I hope my hair cells in my hearing system didn't die that much too, all those loud music. My thigh muscles are still aching too, can't even do stretches or walk properly. How I wish there's a good foot reflexology in melbourne so that I can get a nice good massage, teehee...

My darling was great, hope he had fun at the club last night. Hope that one day we have a chance to go clubbing together, just once. I really miss him a lot for the whole weekend, even when I was clubbing my mind was full of him. Moreover, I miss him so much now.

Actually this question kinda popped into my mind... what does missing someone mean? How can we miss someone when we know that he/she is in our hearts and right in front of our comp chatting to us... and u can feel their presence around you? Maybe cos we are human beings? And we are gregarious and love the feeling of touchiness among one another, the holding of hands and the nice cuddly hugs, the feeling of each other's body warmth and the gazing into each other's eyes.

Ya... darling I miss u wor, I hope to see u soon. I can't wait for the days to pass quicker till mid september... then hope time will slow down so that I can spend more time with my darling.

Darling thank u for bringing colour into my life. I will wanna paint all the colours of our life with you forever and ever.

bombed by meowmeow at 7:16 PM  0 remarks

The Night Sky

I could not sleep for thinking of the sky
The unending sky, with all its million suns
Which turn their planets everlastingly
In nothing, where the fire-haired comet runs.
If I could sail that nothing, I should cross
Silence and emptiness with dark stars passing;
Then, in the darkness, see a point of gloss
Burn to a glow, and glare, and keep massing,
And rage into a sun with wandering planets,
And drop behind; and then, as I proceed,
See his last light upon his last moon's granites
Die to a dark that would be night indeed:
Night where my soul might sail a million years
In nothing, not even Death, not even tears.

I was lying in my bed tonight, with my shutters up and my room full of darkness, there I see the sky blanketed with bright shining stars. A pity I can't see a complete view as the postgraduate building is blocking parts of the night sky.
It's been sometime since I gazed at stars to sleep. I remembered those secondary school years when I was still living in Sembawang, how I used to sleep with my curtains drawn apart or the windows open. I would gaze at the stars in the sky till I fell asleep. It was a big clear view from my window, how I used to look at them and wish that they will take me away from this world, and how I used to cry over my feelings of loneliness with them. And the stars... only sparkle and dazed at me, as if telling me to go on as I might shine someday like them. Those stars still burning brightly, they are so beautiful. Oh, those stars... how they accompany me when I am lonely...

bombed by meowmeow at 7:58 PM  0 remarks

The Trouble with Love is

Love can be a many splendored thing
Can't deny the joy it brings
A dozen roses, diamond rings
Dreams for sale and fairy tales
It'll make you hear a symphony
And you just want the world to see
But like a drug that makes you blind
It'll fool ya every time

Chorus
The trouble with love is
It can tear you up inside
Make your heart believe a lie
It's stronger than your pride
The trouble with love is
It doesn't care how fast you fall
And you can't refuse the call
See you've got no say at all

Now I was once a fool it's true
I played the game by all the rules
But now my world's a deeper blue
I'm sadder but I'm wiser too
I swore I'd never love again
I swore my heart would never mend
Said love wasn't worth the pain
But then I hear it call my name

Chorus

Every time I turn around
I think I've got it all figured out
My heart keep callin'
And I keep on fallin'
Over and over again
The sad story always ends the same
Me standin' in the pourin' rain
It seems no matter what I do
It tears my heart in two

bombed by meowmeow at 5:45 PM  0 remarks

The Mountain brought forth a Mouse

This is one of the most disappointing day of my life.
I still cannot get over the test incident. I felt that I have let down my mommy, my grandparents, my tutor, those who have expectations on me, and the greatest of all... I felt that I have let myself down.

How can I just be so careless in a moment's folly when I have taken weeks to prepare for my test and the results are just equivalent to not studying. This is just horrible, absolutely unforgivable and intolerant.

I am going to slap myself now... zzz...

when I have cried so much and gained little wool.

I very the buay tahan myself and my brain liao... hopefully my brain will function better next time and my cognition and hippocampus with my concentration span will be much better.

I would rather be better off dead.
bombed by meowmeow at 12:22 PM  0 remarks

My very first quiz that went foul

oh wellz...
what's wrong with me?
not that I didn't study for my test, and I am pretty sure I studied them thoroughly (maybe not 100% but it's around 90%), maybe that's not enough...

I knew my answers for my test, but I keep having doubts on myself and the correct answer and in the end I kept choosing all the wrong answers...
that's it, I guess I am going to fail this first test...

why liddat? how can I change, I knew the right answers but why I keep choosing the wrong ones? Does God want me to discontinue with my physio course? I studied and prayed that I pass with flying colours for this test as I was quite confident, but now... it feels like I am drowning in strong sea waves with my leg stuck in some seaweed on the ocean floor and nobody is going to save me, except if I struggle hard (then prolly I will get 10% of survival and 90% death chances), so prayers never really work anyway, I guess it's just up to your confidence level and yourself and your luck on that day if u have something major coming up.

so what now, try to get full marks for my next test, so that I can pass my overall quiz? this sucks man... maybe I can get full marks, but then my inconfidence and my doubts might just make me choose all the wrong answers and make me fail again. It's not that I am incompetent or I really dunno anything about my schoolwork. So what now? Study harder? and if I choose the wrong answers tho I know the right answers again? Then I will be going round and round in a vicious cycle of studying hard yet failing.

I am just going to hang in there for just this one more semester, and maybe that's it. If I just fail or anything, I will just change course, maybe this course is not right for me (though I know my schoolwork) but the results are just not there. ZZZ

In conclusion... tests and exams sucked and they might or might not test whether u really know your work or not. Some questions are just tricky and they are out there to trick u to failing.
bombed by meowmeow at 4:42 AM  0 remarks

An apple a day, keeps the doctor away.
If the doctor is handsome, throw the apple away.

ooh la la... I am falling sick, got sore throat last few days, down with flu last night and feeling feverish gibberish the whole day. I might not be able to make it out of bed tomorrow morning and it will be all cool.

The best part is food is getting scarce in my hibernating nest and it was raining the whole afternoon today... I wonder how I am going to hibernate without food tomorrow.

It's time for me to screw myself, as I am a thousand miles away from being prepared for my upcoming test this Monday... moreover, my concentration span is starting to leak out of its system.

Convy ball this Saturday, and I feel so shit, I thought I should go there naked as I have nothing to wear. Enclosing myself up like a pathetic little creature is not that bad after all, get to stay indoors all day and enjoy the comfort of my nest.

Fitting into the society sucks, why can't the society fit into me. Is it a good thing or a bad thing that parents push and force their kids to study hard so that they can land in a good job next time, regardless of whether they like it or not?
Dreams that u used to have were shattered as u slowly struggle with the masked life that was enforced upon you.

And then you start to wonder if you can make it through and if you can keep up with masking yourself up in this fake little life that you have. The personality which was engraved into your soul by your job profession and the fake face that you have to show others out there.

Parents always tell their kids that they get to choose the paths they want once they got their highest degree, but have they ever considered that some paths require long term preparation and that once the cold, hard facts of the "highest" profession they have been studying for, for 21 years of their life, has been carved into the niches of your soul, remains with you forever.

In conclusion, life sucks if you are living in someone else's life and when you realise that you should GET YOUR OWN LIFE, it's too late... and you have to live with someone's life forever.
bombed by meowmeow at 10:15 AM  0 remarks