Stressed Out

I realised that whenever I am feeling high, I never really blog?
Whenever I am feeling downcasted and frustrated... then I will blog? LOL
ermm, I was just wondering how many times have I been feeling stressed and down, and how many times have I been really happy this semester...
I think out of 20 times of feeling depressed, only once I am really happy. The advantage is, I treasure and appreciate my happy moments cos it only last for that short period of time. The feeling of being happy is so nice, but I dunno why I can't really get that feeling back anymore.
All those depressing moments do numb me after some time, and my day is just of a monotonous tone. The worst part is, subconsciously, during the night time, I just cannot sleep... I haven't been sleeping well on the weekdays for the past 5 weeks or so. Even if I sleep, either I keep dreaming or I keep hearing voices and images in my head. It's pretty disturbing cos it feels like you have not really been sleeping at all. Luckily I manage to relax myself on weekends and sleep well, at least on Friday night and Saturday night.
It feels horrible when your tutor doesn't really understand how it goes for u? And she's still pressing you on to know your anatomy and pressure u on to generate more hypotheses and learning in class to be competent physios? I mean I was soo prepared last year, but after half a year of break, everything goes down? It's so easy for her to say but I wonder if she realise it's so hard for me? Plus all my sleepless nights and the worries that I bear.
What if I fail this semester? I don't know how to answer my mom or my grandparents anymore. One other choice is to give up and take an easier course, but I won't know how to explain to my grandparents why I suddenly jump course? You know how traditional grandparents who don't know much and just listen to other gossipmongers and what other pple say? All kinds of bad shit about you from other pple just come out though you know it's not u?
So I guess now I have no choice, but to carry on with this shit that is bogging me down so much just for this semester. I just have a feeling that I might just pass this semester and as long as I pass this semester, all my other semesters in this course will be a good breeze for me.
Another 2 months plus of this stressful situation and God, sorry if I ignored u but if you are still here, please please please help me get through this semester. I just can't really take it out anymore. I have been hanging on for some time, please carry me and hold on to me and don't let me fall. Let me climb back up and sit in a stable position back again. I really feel that I am getting a mental breakdown real soon, please let me have my balance lifestyle back again. Everything feels so haywired at the moment.
I just hope it will be better this week... buck up kay, you have lotsa things to deal with at this moment.
bombed by meowmeow at 4:05 AM  0 remarks