Fahrenheit (Fei Lun Hai)

Some people think they are ghey, some people think they cannot sing.

But some people are crazy over them. JAJAJA.

Look at Jiro Wang, he's sooo cute when he smiles. Aww... *heart melts*

bombed by meowmeow at 7:24 PM  0 remarks

who hasn't heard of Foo Fighters before?

*Darling said that his hair is so smooth and silky.
How ghey... =.="
He never said that about my hair before... =.="...

Anyway, with all the violent rocking forwards and backwards of heads,
I wonder if he ever got neck problems, or if he ever felt dizzy doing that.
The whole performance was cool, their songs are really nice.
It's just an enriching experience to hear their songs in person, or in real life.

Beside watching and listening to their performance, I was busy entertaining myself with their fans.Gosh, there's really a lot of them. It seemed like there were about 10 000 pple in there.17/20 of the rod laver arena was totally filled up. 3/20 of the arena was closed. The fans were going crazy, screaming and jumping to their songs.

3 of them who were standing near me caught my eye. One girl was dancing, moving her head like a walking bird and rising her chest up and down just to move her boobs. (her boobs are huge). The other girl was really stick thin and moving 90 degrees side to side, like a pendulum and doing some kung fu movements with her hands (which are stick thin too). Then suddenly one older guy (in his fifties) ran up right beside me, started moving his arse and twisting his legs on the floor like doing the a-go-go and then he pointed his index finger at the stage with a weird expression on his face. O.O That was funny, you should see his wet perspiring face. Then he ran all the way down the stairs and do the same again.

I guess this is the first rock concert I enjoyed in Melbourne. I didn't get really get angry or frustrated today, which is good. Maybe I am tolerating rock songs better? But I got a really bad headache after that tho. My ears were blocked, and my eyes hurt from all the flashing lights.

bombed by meowmeow at 11:30 PM  0 remarks

Greed or Stupidity?

Before the Foo Fighters concert,
darling and I decided to have dinner together.
I wanted to belanja my darling today.
*belanja = "malay" to treat (food, drinks etc.)

I had to withdraw money and the nearest atm
is the one near Flinders Street and in between
all those fast food chains.

It was a busy night,
Flinders Street and that corner of Swanston Street
was buzzling with hives of activities.

I lined up and waited to withdraw my money,
then the guy in front of me left without taking his money.
There was like AU$100 sticking out of that ATM.

My immediate reaction was "Excuse ME!!!"
But the guy walked away so fast that he was lost
in that sea of people walking past.
Then I panicked a little and asked my darling...
"Quick, call that guy back!"

Darling was a bit blur, a bit lost,
didn't know what to do.
The lady behind us was lost too.
The whole street was just packed and busy.

Someone behind just shouted
"Just take the money"

Kay feeling a bit lost,
just stood there and looked at the $100 sticking out of the ATM
which was making lotsa noise at that time.

Take or not to take.
Kay just stared at it for like 5 mins.
Then the ATM sucked the money in and never came out again.

Kay walked towards the restaurant,
still a bit lost.
A bit feeling stupid for not taking the free AU$100,
but I think I would have felt guilty if I had taken it.
bombed by meowmeow at 11:00 PM  0 remarks

Breaking Down
I guess I am on the verge of breaking down now
Not only my clinics and school is giving me a hard time
Even when I go home
It's so difficult.

Every weekday nights are weary and blur
from all the hard physical work
and the mental discouragement.

Every weekday night I come back to a home
where darling doesn't understand at all.
Full of ignorance and coldness
Not trying to listen my miseries
or share my heavy burden.

I tried to speak and make him listen
He does listen but doesn't show compassion
He does not even give encouraging words
or words of care or concern
All he does is crack jokes at my problems

YES, his jokes are funny, makes me laugh
but deep inside, it feels worse than ever.
It doesn't feel like I am being listened to or understood by.

All the problems are gradually accumulated deep inside me
yet I can't release them.
I don't know who to talk my heart to heart feelings to.

Almost everynight, both of us do a cold war thing.
Sometimes I don't even know if he is playing or it's for real.
It hurts very badly.
I want to cry but I can't.
All I can do is put up with whatever's happening
by putting on a sourish face
and trying to play along the cold-war thing.

When we started talking again he said he is just playing.
However somehow, the hurt is still there.
Everytime I look at his pretty face
or think of him when I am away from home,
there's always this blunt pain that goes through my heart.
It feels like my heart is trying to shrink or bleed, it's just painful...
the pain that sends waves of numbness into my arms and legs.
But I still can't help looking at his pretty face
or thinking of him when I am away from home.

I am feeling very tired.
Both physically and emotionally.
I don't know what to do anymore.

Somehow we always manage to talk again before we go to sleep,
or the next morning always appears like nothing has happened.
But the hurtful feeling is still there,
right deep in my heart.
No matter how hard I try to ignore it,
give a smile when I go out with him or talk to him,
it's still there.
Sometimes, it makes me cannot smile in front of him anymore.

Sometimes I don't know how to talk to him about it.
Because I am very sure, it will keep happening over and over again.
He will know how to brush the topic off very well
and we will take it as nothing ever happened.
We are still together, happy as ever.

But this hurtful feeling is still inside there.
Deep in my heart.
I know what has happened, but I don't know how to get rid of it.
Talking to him has never helped either.

I tried to bury myself playing maplestory.
In one way, to destress myself from the hard clinicals,
in the other way, trying to ignore this blunt pain in my heart
whenever I am close to him.
Well, it works most of the time.
The pain is just unseen and unfelt of when I maple.

To others and especially to him,
I might look like a maplefreak,
only trying to level up.
I didn't bother to explain, just sticking along to whatever he is saying.
Even if I want to explain how I am feeling
and why I am mapling like a geek,
nobody will listen or understand.
Especially darling, he will deny this fact.
I won't even want to try.

I don't know how to cope with this feeling anymore.
I really don't.
I love him, but it is getting hurtful gradually.
But I still love him very much.
bombed by meowmeow at 10:18 PM  0 remarks

Why?
Sometimes I dunno why am I suffering so much
I mean not to the extreme
But everyone's enjoying their uni life to a good point
whereas I am dreading mine

Having to wake up at 6 and catch the 7am train EVERYDAY
is not fun at all. (except weekends)
Going for clinics and do lots of physical stuffs with patients,
really test your patience
and wear you out at the end of the day.
Starting around 8am and finishing around 5pm
feels like work torture.

The worse part is *U ARE CONSTANTLY SUPERVISED*
and they mark and grade you at the end of everyday.
Constructive critism is always good,
always a room for improvement.
But Destructive critism
really kills motivation and soul.

It gets worse and worse when u get a *BITCHY* supervisor.
She will just screw up your life and give you nightmares
FULL STOP.

Having to battle with DIFFICULT patients,
trying to motivate and push them to their maximum
functional status doesn't help much at all.
These patients make me feel like I am
talking to a cow or trying to move a brick wall.

This life sucks.
I don't know how long I can hang on in there.
I need sleep.
I need to destress.
I need to feel happier.
I need to laugh. (even my laughs are not real anymore)
I need some love.
I need some friendliness.
I need to stop dropping hair.
I need to stop these pimples from popping out everywhere.

I just need something, someone, anyone, whichever, whatever, whoever to make me feel more positive about myself.

Life is getting to a monotonous point at the moment
that I am just struggling to get each step forwards at a time.
Case presentation is in a week.
Exercise poster is due in 2 weeks.
Gerontology assignment is due in 3 weeks.
EBPP and ethics is due in the next 1 month or so.
An exercise class is to be conducted at the end of may.
After these whole block of assignments and classes in uni.
It's back to clinic blocks again.
I wonder if I am going to do well for musc.
I am really worried.

Back to current status :
I am still worried if I am going to get good marks for
my gerontology block at the moment.
It's just too tiring to think of assignments
when u already have such a tiring clinical block.

I hope I can pass this year properly and graduate properly.
I am dying to just graduate.
Get a job, get a life.
Whatever.

I just want to be happy, stress-free and pass this year.
Is it too much to ask for?
bombed by meowmeow at 8:34 PM  0 remarks

This is Chiew Yi, one of the very few people whom I call a true friend and is in my circle of trust.

She is called CY now, because of gunbound. We started to shorten names cos it's easier to type. xD

I didn't expect us to hit off so well, neither do I expect us to still be in touch with each other after so long, but well yea, we did it. JAJAJA! We have known each other for close to 6 years now, one of the longest close friendships I have ever made.

I remembered the first day I met her was during the Trinity Orientation Tour. I don't dare to talk to her, cos she looked a bit fierce. (Hehe, no offence Cy...) But my mom kept asking me to go ahead and chit chat to her, soo... I went off by saying hi. She was a bit quiet at first, but after a while, we started to become a clique, well with Emily too. (but Emily and I kinda drifted further away for some reason)

Anyway... back to Cy. I remembered during our first uni year, we kinda drifted apart a bit. *Partially because my ex-bf, the over possessive Andrew didn't allowed me to hang out with my friends. I wasn't allowed to talk to other guys too. My life was just sad and lonely. It got better after I broke off with him and I am glad that I did. =) *

Cy is a very very nice girl, very pleasant. She will never despise you or let you down. She is a very good friend who grows along with you and accepts you for who you are. Also, she takes good care of her friends around her very well, unselfishly. There was once I was so knocked out by 151(s) that Cy carried me home. Teehee, all the freaking cabs didn't wanna take me cos I ws kinda half passed out. And poor Cy was trying to get a cab and take me home. Well eventually she did and then she stayed with me for that night. I am very grateful for what she did. xD

She likes her friends to miss call her when they are walking home late at night. This is to make sure that her friends are safe and back home that night.

Well, now Cy met a very very nice guy called Jon. Jon is a very nice guy too. Though I don't really know him personally, but I saw him a few times and he looked nice. Also, his dad and my mom used to be neighbours and his parents are very nice people, so how bad can Jon get? =P

All the best to Cy with Jon. They are probably a perfect match made in heaven. Both nice pple. Hopefully everything goes well for them.

I believe in Cy and she is the only one of the few people that I trust in. She is also one of the very few people that I call a true friend. She keeps promises and will never betray or backstab you. You will know where to look for her under my MSN list. xD

*If u need help, Cy will help as much as she can willingly and selflessly de, but of course dun take that for granted too much...xD*
bombed by meowmeow at 2:20 AM  0 remarks

Only insensitive and selfish people feed their happiness on other people's sorrows

I am over sick and tired of hearing people talk shit about me. Sometimes I am wondering what I did to deserve others doing that to me. I don't even go around and talk shit about other people. Once a while I do share my opinions about a person with someone very very close to me and we keep it between us... but I don't even go around and spread shit about other people.

So why are others doing that to me? Well at first when I heard some crap about me, I was like "ok... whatever". However, again and again I heard all kinds of shit and all different kinds of version. Some are so absolutely fake and some are way over exaggerated.

It's really funny how it spreads all around in different circles and some even got to those who don't even know me personally. I am glad I do have friends who keep open ears and tell me who and who is saying what and what about me. It's really sickening. Ever since then my perspective of these so and so 'shitty-mouthed' people changed.

I know, some close friends just say "forget it kay, whatever lar, dunnit to take it to heart cos u are not even like that / u didn't even do it". Oh well, yea... that was my reaction at first. But it just happens too frequently over the last few years that I am feeling so hurt and sick about it. My whole growing up life (where I was in an all girls' school), no one ever said shit about me before and I was even awarded as the most helpful and friendliest girl in class.

But now in a really mixed society with both boys and girls in Melbourne... there are pple talking shit about me? Where does it all start? I don't even know.

Sometimes these shit(s) do affect my relationship with tkok. I know that he trusts me but there are some that he uses to spite me with and it really irritates me and pisses me off. (to those 'shitty-mouthed' pple who is dying to see this happening to our relationship, well u got it, what else u want?)

I feel so disgusted with these pple that I feel that I couldn't trust anyone anymore. Well, at least I know that these people don't make the best of friends as they are super insensitive and selfish... you never know when they will backstab you.

I have learnt what the meaning of hate is. Though I won't show it to these shit pple, but whatever they did is engraved in my heart. I will never forgive these people who are ruining my life in so many other ways.

*To those out there... if u hear shit about me, pls clarify with me cos I know everything about me and I will tell u the truth. Stop going around believing whatever others are saying! =.=*
bombed by meowmeow at 11:11 PM  0 remarks